Conflict-Free Marriage? That Doesn't Exist.

I couldn’t believe it. This couldn’t be happening to us. How could two people who love each other and love God feel so angry towards one another? We had only been married a few weeks and I found myself with feelings that were completely foreign to our relationship. As I walked out, I slammed the screen door in disgust! She was crying. I was mad. And I knew it wasn’t supposed to be this way.

Welcome to Marriage 101! This was the first fight Theresa and I had in our early life together. I drove around for nearly two hours trying to figure out what was wrong. I naively assumed that couples who love God and loved each other wouldn’t have angry feelings and hurt one another this deeply. I was great mistaken and painfully disillusioned.

As we launch our new radio series today, “Broken Hearts, Broken Dreams,” I’d love to spend some time here on the blog to give you some simple (yes, simple – not always easy to implement, but simple), Biblical solutions for making your marriage the exception.

And why not talk about conflict? That’s where marriages start falling apart, right? When conflict occurs.

Before we get into the hands-on, practical aspects of making peace in our marriages, it is critical that we step back and get a broad understanding of relational conflict and its root causes. Often we assume something is very wrong simply because we have conflict in a meaningful relationship. But the truth is that great relationships are never “conflict free.” We need to understand conflict and its sources and learn how to handle it appropriately.

Conflict is inevitable in a fallen world.
The issue is not whether conflict is going to happen; the only issue is HOW we are going to deal with is. Jesus said, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble [emphasis added]. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

In the book, Leaders on Leadership, one author writes, “If death and taxes are the first two certainties of life, conflict is the third. Life requires conflict! It is an essential part of God’s redeeming plan. Through conflict we know our need, acknowledge our sin, recognize truth, and it is by conflict God tests our faith.”

Conflict isn’t bad; it’s inevitable in a fallen world.

 

What do you think? How have you grown up thinking about conflict? Is it a bad thing? Healthy thing? Is knowing that conflict isn’t bad, but inevitable a comforting thought? How does this make you think about any current unresolved conflict in your relationships?

Keep Pressin' Ahead,

Chip

 

Comments

[Monica]

My ears are glued to the insightful messages on marriage and relationship. They are very clear and easy to understand, very down to earth. I recently received your study guide on "Love, Sex and Lasting Relationship", planned on starting the course soon. Thank you for all you do.